Well here we go. I promised myself that if I was going to create a blog it was going to be super up beat and super positive.. but after some soul searching about being honest and up front it hit me.....sometimes life isn't up beat and it isn't positive. I have read several questions from people asking how to be strong, how to be a support for someone in such a tough situation. I am the wife of a recovering addict. That's it. Plain and simple. It's tough, it's a fresh wound that cuts very deep.
I moved to Texas when Ryan went to rehab. I was alone, I was scared, I was simply broken. The 11 hour drive to Texas was more than needed for my soul searching. I did a ton of praying, a ton of crying, but in the bottom of my heart I had a ton of hope. You see, you can't do this life on your own. I have never believed I could, either. If I had to answer the most commonly asked question, how do you stay strong? I would say, "Jesus." I need a whole lotta Jesus and a whole lot of coffee. lol. I keep reminding myself that when my house is dirty, I don't burn it down and get a new one. I clean it from the inside out and make it whole again, and that is what we have been up to for the past six months.
You see, it is VERY okay to not have all the answers. 99% of the time I don't know up from down. What you guys see is someone being strong, what I see is someone trying to survive. I'm scared and vulnerable and I'm sharing my life with a world full of people who don't understand.. and that is okay.
You have to keep going. You have to keep your positive life in such a negative world. Everyday is a new journey for us. All I can say is, "thank you Jesus for giving us this life to live. Thank you for not giving up on me." As I sit here crying reflecting on the past six months, I can tell you this and it's the only advice I can give... Jesus never gave up on me in my struggles, so I will NOT give up on my husband through his.